We dated for about nine months before we got engaged. Our engagement was nine months long and then, on our honeymoon, we got pregnant. Thus, nine months later our son entered the world. When he was nine months old, we got pregnant again.
When I took the pregnancy test to confirm my suspicions about being pregnant the second time around, there was a moment of elation, followed by a moment of terror, and then sunk in the depression. We had a nine month old who had barely learned to crawl, was hardly eating solids, and definitely not sleeping through the night. Now we have to do it all over again? I was just starting to lose my pregnancy weight and would have to pull out the maternity clothes again. We had had people living with us for the last six months, I was working part time, and my husband had started his own business. How was this going to work?
So I cried and I prayed, “Lord, I would be ok if I had a miscarriage.” That is not to make light of anyone who has miscarried, it’s to show how dark this time was for me. And then I got angry, telling God all the reasons why now was not a good time to have another baby. I cried some more, saying “I don’t want this baby.”
If I wasn’t a woman of faith, I don’t know what I would have done. But my body was obviously designed to create, grow, and give life, so I just let my body do its thing. When our daughter was born, it was a beautiful moment kind of like out of a movie. Our time in the hospital was magic. But when we got home, the struggles were difficult and I sank into post-partum depression. I found out another friend had miscarried, and my first thought was that she could have my daughter. I was in a lot of pain from thrush and nursing problems and I was angry that my baby was hurting me. But slowly, we started to get better. And then during her baptism, I heard a voice inside me say, “There’s a reason she was born. I have a special plan for her.” The Lord was telling me that this little girl had a reason to live, a purpose, a bright future full of hope. And from there the depression and the pain started to fade away, and I was able to really start loving this child that God had given to me.
Lily is 7 months old now. I love her to pieces! Yes, she shrieks and cries and drives me crazy sometimes, but her smiles make my day, and I cry now writing this at the thought that there was a time that I didn’t want her. I can’t even imagine anymore what life would be like without her:
Dear mother considering an abortion:
That’s what you already are: a mother! I don’t judge you for whatever feelings you are having because I have been there. You are not an evil baby-killer; you are scared and overwhelmed at the thought of raising another human being. I too have felt that way! But do you really want to live life without knowing the color of your baby’s eyes or if they have curly hair, or a temperament like yours? What he or she will be when they grow up? Who they will marry?
There are not only physical, but many psychological and emotional side effects to having an abortion that no one really talks about. There is anxiety, depression, and guilt for going against your body’s design to give life. Whether you agree that abortion is killing a baby (which I do), there are still other consequences to you, the woman that can last a lifetime. And I don’t want you to have to go through that.
I knew a girl in college who had had an abortion. She hadn’t told anyone, and ended up coming to get prayer for the guilt she felt, and that’s how we met. She had started to pray and to heal emotionally, when her ex-boyfriend found her and raped her. She got pregnant, had another abortion, and left school. She was so depressed- it scared me how unreachable she became. She ended up getting back together with that guy and moving back to her hometown, although her family would not take her in because of all her choices. Long story short, she got pregnant again, but this time she decided to keep the baby. She dumped the guy, reunited and reconciled with her family, and had a beautiful baby boy. She has been working and going to school and raising her son, but she does it all for love of him, and she is happy to do so. That doesn’t mean life has been easy and it has required a lot of sacrifices, but so what? We only live once, and what better way to live than to share it with our own flesh and blood.
Dear woman considering an abortion:
It can seem like there are all these so-called “good” reasons to “terminate” your pregnancy. But to what end? Underneath all the sleepless nights and ear-piercing shrieking, there is joy. Unspeakable joy that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I beg you to see that abortion is never the answer. Not for the baby OR for the mother! So my heart goes out to you, dear mother considering an abortion, and to all women who have had an abortion and the burden they now carry. I will offer up my struggles today for you!
A fellow mother
p.s.- If you still can’t imagine raising your baby, please consider adoption. I know women out there who want children so badly but can’t on their own. You could make a miracle possible for some family out there.